Silence

Silence by Samus-Merid

I could quickly fill this house with screams of my frustrations,
And even quicker to crush any help sent to intervene,
The cycle of self-destruction that stands as the only thing between me and God,
And what is the most frustrating, is that I am this wall before myself, I am the man keeping my soul from its home.

There is little left in life to feel good about, when your righteous deeds are after all of the evil ones,
And who among us, realizes their evil ways, ambitions, thoughts, fallbacks, and addictions, or even sees them as such?
I fear myself, because I see evil not in degrees, but evil for evil,
And parts tightly woven into my personality are the darkest of them all.

My tears by now, have been all cried out, I am beyond the dreamy stage of guilt, I face the truth and reality every day,
And my sadness, weaves a quick decent, through guilt into despair,
I want freedom from the part of my humanity that enslaves the powers of my soul,
And at the very minimum, I want to feel close to God.

And after you say so many words,
There soon are no more to describe how it feels,
Because pain is a like a disease, it has stages, it grows, and spreads,
And if it ever advances enough, there is only one way to describe it, and that is where I am… Silence.