March, 2005

March 2005 by Samus-Merid

Every night, I get to my room, and the entire world goes quiet,
And I open the window, no matter how cold or hot, I need the air,
Or maybe it’s the last remaining hint of a memory,
Of something I try to forget but always remember.

And though the silent world outside is different than it was a year ago,
There are certain things, which used to be, and are no more,
Things in which died hard, or maybe are so diminished it only seemed so,
And after my prayers, I read, or turn off the light, preparing to fall asleep.

And it is then, that I turn on my side, and still place the pillow next to my body,
And miss the warmth that used to be, and the body of the woman I loved against mind,
Even when I am asleep, I wake up to the smell of the early morning,
And spend all my morning wishing, there was a way, it could have worked out differently.

I never regretted loving for loves sake, but the story ran deeper than love,
It was the love that cannot be hid, that quelled violence,
The love took the whole heart,
The kind of love that made a whole new world.

And though it was the most painful time of my life, to try to exist without that love,
In time, it all went away, no matter how much it still hurts,
And I die everyday I don’t have someone to love,
The kind of love that can last forever.

That love being by which I can share all my thoughts,
Every feeling, every experience, pain and peace,
Where the world we would have is more than the one we lived in,
The love that feels like Heaven on Earth.

And if it was, then I miss that heaven like my soul misses to be with God,
I miss being full, knowing that every day was going to be ok,
Because I was in love, I knew I was loved and gave all of my love in return,
And in that moment I wake up, to a life where love is devoid.

And everyday, I move on, and I rise to where I should have been a year ago,
Though I will never regret having the greatest of love,
I do regret for its loss, and maybe it’s for the better,
But I will never know, because I feel I have died.

And that which is left, is renewed,
And still in a small part of my heart,
I wait, never changing,
For the day, when I can love again.